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| Water Jokes |  |
Water Jokes
The Old Water Joke
As we all know hell is a place full of hellfire, but also of excrement and corruption, whereas the heavenly paradise is a place of purity and cleanliness where all water is sparkling and pristine and all waste is swiftly and effectively removed. It might be thought that this latter is a result of divine intervention, but this is not the case. It is because of good water supply and wastes disposal systems, designed and run by public health engineers. Heaven has an abundance of public health engineers as a result of them having lead selfless lives dedicated to the good of their fellow citizens. At least, that was the state of things until water utilities began to be privatized.
Now Satan has begun to boast that he is cleaning up the part of hell where he lives. He is using engineers to produce clean water and clear up waste, and trying to lure people to hell with the promise of the best of both worlds.
God got quite annoyed at this and said all engineers belong in heaven not hell. Satan said, "Well some people who had once been engineers, had become managers instead and had slipped your net, but they still knew enough about engineering to do some good".
God - "Send them all back to me this instant"
Satan - "Won't"
God - "I'll sue"
Satan - "And where would you get a lawyer"
The desalination promised land.
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer into almost every home in America. Yet, you also created that Windows 2000. In your case, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to spend eternity, which will it be Heaven or Hell?"
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, But where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful clean, sandy beach with clear, cool water and lots of bikini-clad women running around playing in the surf, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick moment and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell." he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being unspeakably burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!??!
"Oh, that was a *DEMO*." replied St. Peter.
The New water joke
A priest is driving from Geelong to Melbourne to see a show and he's stopped on the highway for speeding. The police officer smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
The priest replies, "Just water."
The officer responds, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the priest looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Thanks to Garry Law - http://www.lawas.co.nz/
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